Freedom, Wisdom, Knowledge, Patience, Forgiveness and Peace!!

Good afternoon to you all!

I hope you all woke up today with grateful and open hearts.  I hope your day is filled with much love and happiness.  Don't forget to share the love and happiness with others.

So today I want to get back on track with speaking about mental illness and disorders.  A tough subject for some that I want only to give you hope for healing and new beginnings.  This goes out to all children and adults.  New beginnings come with a new mind set.  A new mind set comes with having faith that anything and everything is possible.  We go through life struggling and we fail to understand that we are not meant to struggle forever.  We are meant to learn from our struggles and continue to grow and share with others so they can grow too.  Educating others around you is necessary in order to feel peace and hope on a daily basis.  I educate in many ways.  I have learned to not only write my feelings out, but I have learned I must share with others while conversing as well.  Some people are visual people.  They need to see the expression on someones face as they are telling their story.  I have learned that I am a person that loves to see and embrace those who are struggling.  If they need an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on before the words of hope come, if they simply need to scream it out...I am that person.  I don't have physical body strength because of my own brokenness, but I have a beautiful and loving heart and mind that longs to encourage others.  I wish only for others to see the beauty in their faults.  I have found the beauty in my faults because I was ready to take on myself and my feelings.  I was WILLING to get to know truly who I am and who I will always want to be.  This was the start of my healing and my new beginning.

I know I don't have the same struggles and journey as all of you, but we ALL struggle.  Some people struggle as children, some as adults...but we all suffer from struggling and we all need someone in our time of need.  We don't always need an audience, but there is usually a go-to person that pops up.  Whether it be your mom, dad, spouse, friends, siblings or someone at your church...we all need somebody.  I for one had every single one of these amazing resources at hand and STILL felt incomplete and empty.  What did that say about me??  Was I the person that some would say "You are never happy with anything", was I that person????  NO I was not.  However, it became very clear at the beginning of this year that my mom was right when she said "You have to love yourself before you can truly love someone else."  Let me tell you, my mom has been telling my sister and I this very thing for MANY MANY years.  And she is a pretty smart lady and I am blessed to call her mom.  My mom said that very same comment to me at the end of 2014, the difference was...my ears were FINALLY wide open to hear her message.  Not only were my ears open to her, but I found they were open to hear EVERYTHING anybody wanted to share with me.  And when they would share, I would not get defensive anymore.  I realized my time had come that I was done with my past struggles that had already broken me down.  I no longer suffered from a distorted self-esteem anymore. I was willing and ready to build a better and blessed foundation.  I am given the gift of grace, patience and hope each morning I wake up.  My foundation VERY RARELY shakes now when I stumble across a struggle.  Instead of getting hyper, vocal or sick, I have found myself surrounded by a peace I cannot explain.  I still witness so much ugly in our world every day, but I have chosen to pray about it and for them instead of gossiping and judging them as I did before.  In my own weakness and fear, yes even I can admit I used to judge and gossip.  Judgement and gossip was taken from my life in January this year, and I have not missed either of them ONE BIT! I am thankful that they exited stage left.

Now that judgement and gossip is gone from me, I have been freed from the fear of getting to know me.  From the time that I was a small child I suffered from fear of others judging me.  Most kids do and most adults are not understanding enough of this.  Some adults have the mind set of "They are kids, they don't even understand what being sad is let alone depressed."  Children look to adults for guidance and answers and we need to be more aware of our duty as the adult figure to be filled with the knowledge and wisdom they are in need of.  As a child I always assumed that no matter what, the adult is always right...RIGHT???  Wrong.  Human Nature is a crazy thing and causes us to make many mistakes in our daily lives.  We find ourselves doing things we THINK are right, instead of truly seeking out the right in our actions and thought processes.

 NONE of us are perfect here on earth, but we have the ability and control to be the best US we WILL BE.  When we are blessed enough to wake in the morning, will our first thought be "what will I wear?" what will I eat for breakfast?" "I hope the traffic isn't crazy because of the accident up ahead" "what bad thing will happen today?" or will your first thought be "Thank you for another day of blessings God, please guide my steps and my heart today so I may bless others."  We can choose to wake up bitter or hopeful.  It is very simple when you break it all down.  And be sure to teach your children to wake up daily with a grateful heart.  Celebrate them each morning you see them.  Don't take for granted one second of the special job you have been given to be their parent.  Your children may not say this to you, but they are thinking it..."I want my parents to be proud of me."  Remember that while you are celebrating them.  Show them love so they may know what love looks like, what it sounds like, so that they may love themselves and love others.  That is the one truth you can offer them that will live with them FOREVER!

Our parents are so important and we do not tell them nearly enough.  I have been given a second chance at not just changing my life, but I have been give the opportunity to finally tell others what they truly mean to me.  My parents have always been amazing teachers.  And they were YOUNG parents.  They were 17 and 19 when they welcomed my sister.  Though my dad was blessed with the opportunity to work for Ford Motor at the age of 18, that didn't change the fact that they were kids raising kids.  They had many many struggles.  Maybe one day my mom will be encouraged to write their story, but I will sum it up by saying IT WAS NOT EASY! They both had broken pasts at a young age and that made the struggle even more tough to raise kids of their own.  However, my parents were AMAZING!!! They struggled, and struggled, but they survived.  They not only survived, but they raised two daughters who are so loving and we are so strong.  Sure we have made many mistakes, but we are grateful that our parents were always there encouraging us to keep moving.  They never allowed us to dwell in our own brains to the point of no return.  I am so blessed to have such loving and caring parents.  Thank you both for never giving up...and thank you for teaching me to never give up.

I am going to wrap this up for now, but I will finalize this by saying, reach out and hug your children, hug your family, hug your friends...and don't stop there, hug others who need love and hope.  Make a difference!!!  I love you all.  I am praying for you all to have peace so that you too may see, hear and feel what is right.

 

Everybody needs somebody...

Hello everyone!

I want to thank you so much for joining me on this journey.  As I said before I am so excited to share.  I want others to have the same opportunity for peace in their lives.  Even with all of the chaos that goes on around you, you CAN feel peace.  Even if you feel your flesh is broken.  Ask for peace and you will receive it.

As I said before in my previous blog I have not always felt this peace and calm in my life.  I am just learning myself how deep seeded my issues really were.  I have gotten to know things about myself in the last 10 months that I kind of wish I never found out.  However, I have peace in that area too...because I am NOT that person anymore.  That was a person trying so hard to be what everyone else WANTED.  I thought strength was never losing your self control and here it was the complete opposite.  I had to lose complete control over MYSELF.  I was on a bad and turmoil filled ride for years.  I was pulling that cart of burden behind me as if I had control over what happens with it all.  My cart was piled high with our every day cares and burdens.  Family, friends, work, house duties, bills, etc...Do you see what was missing?  "I" was missing.  I did this exercise with a counselor years ago with jotting down on a piece of paper a stick figure to represent yourself pulling a cart.  During this time she asked to tell her what I held heavy on my heart?  As I was saying them she sketched boxes on my cart with the words I was saying.  This turned into my cart of cares and burdens.  It looked insanely heavy!!!  Wow.  Looking at this and thinking about it now makes me realize how lost I was back then.  I didn't understand that I made my load heavier than it needed to be.  I didn't know me, I didn't know my limitations, I didn't know how to love people in the proper way, I didn't know what exactly I was meant to be doing in my life here on earth.  And this exercise she did with me means more now than before.  I will save that story for a later date.  Amy Boster, you are in my heart always.  God bless you for helping so many before your time on earth was finalized.

I do know one thing, I know I'm meant to help others.  The recent trip to St. Louis for the Joyce Meyer Women's Conference was proof of that.  Life changing moments happened while we were there.  I was so grateful that God was sending  myself and these two amazing women on this journey together.  I prayed right up until it was time to leave for the adventure. (Ok and I prayed much on the way there and on the way home! Praying, though I'm new at it this year, has been my saving grace in everything!). I prayed God would guide us, I prayed very specifically for guidance on this trip.  And my prayers were being answered as quickly as I was praying them.  I asked for abundance of His glorious blessings so that we may bless others in serving Him.  And we all received indeed abundantly.  

(Joyce Meyer Conference 9/19/15 with Jess and Tiff!!) 

We decided we needed to help the homeless. All of our hearts ached for them.  We wanted them to feel hope.  So we put some money together and bought 10 cheeseburgers from McDonalds.  I said a prayer that God would guide us to the homeless and that He would keep us safe from any harm.  What we experienced next caused me to say an extra prayer for STRENGTH AND COURAGE!!  We handed out 8 out of 10 burgers and continued to drive to find two more people to hand them to.  In the meantime I prayed AGAIN! (Hehe told you I pray a lot) All of a sudden this street that was sticking out in my head for 2 days was approaching while we were driving.  I asked if we could turn there because I had to know why that street was sticking out.  The street was called "Olive Street" and that street has officially changed my life. We landed in an area that had about 20+ more homeless!!!! Well, I admit I completely broke down.  However there was a reason.  My uncle Jim (Bobo) who passed on the day before mine and my husbands wedding was homeless until he wound up sick with cancer.  He lived THIS life that I was looking straight at.  It hit me like a ton of bricks.  The first thing I thought was I wanted to hug each one of them.  So, we started on the side of the street where there were only a few homeless, mind you we only had 2 burgers left.  Well, there were 3 in that vicinity so we handed out the 2 burgers and I have my bible to one women who was unable to speak.  (My gf who is a nurse later told me she could tell she had a stroke and that's why her face looked blown up and she couldn't talk) We explained to her that we WOULD BE BACK!  We got back in the car and drove right back to the Golden Arches and purchased 20 more burgers. We got back and we were pumped with spirit. Couldn't wait to give them hugs and burgers.  One or two of them actually asked for more hugs.  I cannot explain to you what all was going through my brain at the time except that I felt grateful to be doing this service.  I felt good to be sharing hope, love and spirit with others.  And I know my two friends were feeling it too.  We were rejoicing like you wouldn't believe.  I want to share with you all that 10 months ago I NEVER would've had the strength or courage to go up to the homeless, much less hug them, feed them and tell them God Bless you!!!  This is just ONE of the stories.  There is another I'd LOVE to share, but I must make sure it's ok to share.  Chains were also broken for one of us and I'm super excited to be a part of the journey.  

I am still taking this trip in, but I will share more at a later time from the experience. 

That trip taught me more than I ever thought imaginable. I learned to truly have NO FEAR!  If you have an interest in something...GET UP AND EMBRACE IT!! You never want to miss opportunities...it's too easy to do. They don't call it a "missed opportunity" for nothing!  Don't fear what others will think or say. It's not their journey, it's YOUR journey.  Stand up for what you FEEL is right and good.  Don't waste your breath complaining, that will only create more wasted opportunities.  It's never too late, your never too young or too old to learn to stand up and speak out.  Be the vessel to deliver the good news to others.  Peace, mercy, truth and love are all free gifts.  Give them away as much as you are blessed in receiving them.  

James 5:16 ESV 

"Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."

Deuteronomy 15:7-8 ESV  

“If among you, one of your brothers should become poor, in any of your towns within your land that the Lord your God is giving you, you shall not harden your heart or shut your hand against your poor brother, but you shall open your hand to him and lend him sufficient for his need, whatever it may be."

Olive street changed my life and I pray it WILL change the lives of those we touched and fed that day.  

I am so grateful for the path that has been chosen for me.  Only God knew what was in store and He continues to light my path.  It is as if there are Christmas lights on every day.  I love this bright lit path.  And I'm so grateful to be here to share it with you all. Thank you for allowing me to share.  

Blessings to you all! Rest easy and awake grateful for ALL that you have.  Xoxoxo 

Discovering the Light and overcoming adversity!

Good Morning to you all.

I am honored to start this new blog to share with others how I overcome adversity.  Adversity may appear differently to us all, but the truth is we all have it in our lives and we all want to feel peace and overcome it.

My adversity started when I was a child.  I cannot explain exactly what was going through my head at the time of the onset, but I can tell you I was YOUNG.  It started approximately in 2nd grade.  My happiest childhood memories happened when my family lived in Richfield, Ohio.  My thoughts were innocent and pure.  My actions were childlike and simple.  Glory was in the simplicity of my joy.  I loved being around people and family, playing with my barbies, playdough, crafting, listening to music,  playing house and playing outside.  Life was simple.  There are so many beautiful memories from that time.  And yet something happened from the time we moved from Richfield to Brunswick.  We moved to Brunswick closer to the middle of the school year and I remember feeling a deep awkwardness when I was in the elementary school.  In class I couldn't focus.  I felt like I was always being stared at and studied.  I probably wasn't, but you know I was when I first walked in the classroom and that was enough to set me into a paranoid state of mind.  I don't remember much about that school year at all.  I cannot even tell you how I did academically that year.  I can tell you after 2nd grade my grades started to fall to the wayside because I couldn't stay focused in school.  Oddly enough the reason I was unfocused was because I sat there studying my classmates.  I began to study the smart kids and the kid who looked really sad.  They were both so similar, so quiet.  The difference in them was that one had a peaceful look of silence and the other had a look of fear behind their silence.  The silent people stuck out to me...why???  I knew I didn't want to be the kids who were loud and obnoxious so I paid no attention to them.  I knew I didn't want to encourage their behavior.  I knew they were trouble...or troubled rather.  And I didn't think I could help them, I couldn't help myself...how could I help them.

 I thought about this for YEARS.  Why did this bother me and consume my thoughts all the time?  I have had a busy brain since I was small.  My busy brain led me to a bad nervous habit.  I started to bite my nails.  I mean severe nail biting.  Till this day I have this nervous habit.  When I feel overwhelming emotion my hands instantly go right to my mouth.  It moved from chewing my nails to chewing the skin around the nails.  Again, I still have this habit.  When I was small the habit made me feel embarrassment.  Overwhelming embarrassment.  I would hide my hands.  I don't know what I was more ashamed of, biting my nails or why I was biting my nails.  The thing is back then I didn't understand WHY I was biting and chewing.  I was hiding myself and my feelings.  This I know now.  It took another 30 years to figure that out, but I am grateful to know this now.  It helps to understand and love others for who they are deep inside.  I could care less about a persons outside appearance, because I know our voice is deeper than flesh.  It's deeper than what brand of clothes someone wears, what car they drive, the home they live in or the job they go to every day.  What I care about is someone's happiness.  I am drawn to people who are frowning, who look troubled or broken.  They could be wearing the finest piece of clothing or they could be the homeless person guarding their life in their clothing.  Doesn't make a difference to me.  I am one of them, or at least I WAS.  I was broken and withdrawn from living...my actions showed how withdrawn I became, but no matter how withdrawn you are from people doesn't change the fact that you still love people.  You don't want them to feel that.  And you want them to know they don't have to.  You want them to know they are loved, but yet the words don't always come out.  We choke on fear and we never say it.  As we get older we go through this fear and we lose the opportunity to say it to them here on earth.  As we ourselves grow stronger in our spiritual journey we learn that one day we WILL get that opportunity to say that "I LOVE YOU" we meant to say many times and didn't.  We get to say I forgive you and we get to tell them how much they meant to us deep within...even though they already know :)  Isn't that a beautiful thought to think?  10 months ago I never would have said that.  I was still mourning deaths from 20 years ago.  And it hurt just as much in December 2014 as it did back in 1995.

I have experienced many many losses of loved ones and friends the last 20 years and I can honestly tell you that I have peace now knowing one day I will get to tell each of them how much I loved them and how grateful I am to have them back in my spiritual life.  Each of them has given me knowledge and wisdom on how to treat the people in my life now in this natural life.  I've been given grace, mercy, wisdom and patience for a reason.  Not only are these gifts given to me for comfort, but for me to spread this comfort to others.  I am proof that someone can overcome adversity.  You can find hope.  I have learned that we are faced with our adversity each and every day, but we have a way out.  We can give our struggles up to God and watch Him heal and help those we love and care about around us.  And don't worry about those who have passed on, they are well taken care of.  Speak well of them, speak often about them...you will find peace.

This is just a tiny piece of my testimony.  I encourage you to all to share this after you have read it.  Print it out and share it.  Share it with the homeless, share it with the oppressed and poor.  They need this just as much as you do.  They deserve the opportunity to see what hope looks like.  Hope is simple, we are difficult.

"Breathe, and ask for more.  If your bitter still, ask Him for strength to carry on."  Blue October's "Fear" released on their album "Sway".  Great album to listen to while soul searching.

And one of the most touching scripture I have found in the last almost 10 months is this:

Luke 4:18-19

"Let Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor.  He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."

I pray this has touched your life in a positive way and I pray you will share this with others.  Share the love! Thanks be to God for saving me through His glorious son Jesus.  He heard my cries for help and though I felt I didn't deserve it, He saved me from my turmoil.  The chains were broken and I was set free to travel a new and better path.  I pray this freedom for others.  I pray that you see the Light at the end of the tunnel.  May your journey be well lit with spiritual guidance. Amen!