Good Morning to you all.
I am honored to start this new blog to share with others how I overcome adversity. Adversity may appear differently to us all, but the truth is we all have it in our lives and we all want to feel peace and overcome it.
My adversity started when I was a child. I cannot explain exactly what was going through my head at the time of the onset, but I can tell you I was YOUNG. It started approximately in 2nd grade. My happiest childhood memories happened when my family lived in Richfield, Ohio. My thoughts were innocent and pure. My actions were childlike and simple. Glory was in the simplicity of my joy. I loved being around people and family, playing with my barbies, playdough, crafting, listening to music, playing house and playing outside. Life was simple. There are so many beautiful memories from that time. And yet something happened from the time we moved from Richfield to Brunswick. We moved to Brunswick closer to the middle of the school year and I remember feeling a deep awkwardness when I was in the elementary school. In class I couldn't focus. I felt like I was always being stared at and studied. I probably wasn't, but you know I was when I first walked in the classroom and that was enough to set me into a paranoid state of mind. I don't remember much about that school year at all. I cannot even tell you how I did academically that year. I can tell you after 2nd grade my grades started to fall to the wayside because I couldn't stay focused in school. Oddly enough the reason I was unfocused was because I sat there studying my classmates. I began to study the smart kids and the kid who looked really sad. They were both so similar, so quiet. The difference in them was that one had a peaceful look of silence and the other had a look of fear behind their silence. The silent people stuck out to me...why??? I knew I didn't want to be the kids who were loud and obnoxious so I paid no attention to them. I knew I didn't want to encourage their behavior. I knew they were trouble...or troubled rather. And I didn't think I could help them, I couldn't help myself...how could I help them.
I thought about this for YEARS. Why did this bother me and consume my thoughts all the time? I have had a busy brain since I was small. My busy brain led me to a bad nervous habit. I started to bite my nails. I mean severe nail biting. Till this day I have this nervous habit. When I feel overwhelming emotion my hands instantly go right to my mouth. It moved from chewing my nails to chewing the skin around the nails. Again, I still have this habit. When I was small the habit made me feel embarrassment. Overwhelming embarrassment. I would hide my hands. I don't know what I was more ashamed of, biting my nails or why I was biting my nails. The thing is back then I didn't understand WHY I was biting and chewing. I was hiding myself and my feelings. This I know now. It took another 30 years to figure that out, but I am grateful to know this now. It helps to understand and love others for who they are deep inside. I could care less about a persons outside appearance, because I know our voice is deeper than flesh. It's deeper than what brand of clothes someone wears, what car they drive, the home they live in or the job they go to every day. What I care about is someone's happiness. I am drawn to people who are frowning, who look troubled or broken. They could be wearing the finest piece of clothing or they could be the homeless person guarding their life in their clothing. Doesn't make a difference to me. I am one of them, or at least I WAS. I was broken and withdrawn from living...my actions showed how withdrawn I became, but no matter how withdrawn you are from people doesn't change the fact that you still love people. You don't want them to feel that. And you want them to know they don't have to. You want them to know they are loved, but yet the words don't always come out. We choke on fear and we never say it. As we get older we go through this fear and we lose the opportunity to say it to them here on earth. As we ourselves grow stronger in our spiritual journey we learn that one day we WILL get that opportunity to say that "I LOVE YOU" we meant to say many times and didn't. We get to say I forgive you and we get to tell them how much they meant to us deep within...even though they already know :) Isn't that a beautiful thought to think? 10 months ago I never would have said that. I was still mourning deaths from 20 years ago. And it hurt just as much in December 2014 as it did back in 1995.
I have experienced many many losses of loved ones and friends the last 20 years and I can honestly tell you that I have peace now knowing one day I will get to tell each of them how much I loved them and how grateful I am to have them back in my spiritual life. Each of them has given me knowledge and wisdom on how to treat the people in my life now in this natural life. I've been given grace, mercy, wisdom and patience for a reason. Not only are these gifts given to me for comfort, but for me to spread this comfort to others. I am proof that someone can overcome adversity. You can find hope. I have learned that we are faced with our adversity each and every day, but we have a way out. We can give our struggles up to God and watch Him heal and help those we love and care about around us. And don't worry about those who have passed on, they are well taken care of. Speak well of them, speak often about them...you will find peace.
This is just a tiny piece of my testimony. I encourage you to all to share this after you have read it. Print it out and share it. Share it with the homeless, share it with the oppressed and poor. They need this just as much as you do. They deserve the opportunity to see what hope looks like. Hope is simple, we are difficult.
"Breathe, and ask for more. If your bitter still, ask Him for strength to carry on." Blue October's "Fear" released on their album "Sway". Great album to listen to while soul searching.
And one of the most touching scripture I have found in the last almost 10 months is this:
Luke 4:18-19
"Let Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."
I pray this has touched your life in a positive way and I pray you will share this with others. Share the love! Thanks be to God for saving me through His glorious son Jesus. He heard my cries for help and though I felt I didn't deserve it, He saved me from my turmoil. The chains were broken and I was set free to travel a new and better path. I pray this freedom for others. I pray that you see the Light at the end of the tunnel. May your journey be well lit with spiritual guidance. Amen!
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